I just don't feel like doing it anymore.
Living is way too hard...
I just feel as if anything I do will be long forgotten after the internet, and more importantly we are all dead and 6 ft under.
You are born alone, you die alone, so why does it matter what you do now?
Like look I know there's a chance there may be a heaven or hell, but who cares when my dad has had his heart stopped several times in his live and yet has NEVER seen an afterlife of any sorts? Kinda sus.
My friends (you guys) are the only ones keeping me alive, even they are slowly yet surely slipping away from me. :'(
I especially feel bad because my parents are struggling financially quite a bit and they keep having to buy me more and more because I don't have a decent job at a fortune 500 company like i invisoned i would by now when i was in high school.
Speaking of high school, I thought I had friends there, but in hindseight I had almost 0, and sure as hell never had a partner or even sexual experinces outside of doing it myself. It's sad ngl.
How am I supposed to go about living knowing I am a stupid autist who will probably never get a real job outside of making (semi) open source software? Because that's all I do all day, and I can't get a real job coding because, well, 99% of software jobs require one to go to college. FFS, you have to get a job you don't like just for A CHANCE you DO get a job you like. That's some major BS if you ask me.
And for Joey and all other femboys I met (I met two others, Oreo and another one who blocked me after a few days...) well... I feel like they take my love for granted, tease me, ignore me until they need me, and well, just be outright fuckfaces. ESPECIALLY YOU JOEY. DAMN IT JOEY. IF I EVER MARRY YOU I WOULD BANG AND SPANK YOU SO HARD IN OUR HONEYMOON YOU WOULD PROBABLY FAINT. (Ok I am exaggerating, Joey. But still, you dont have to be such a douchebag.)
And for any chance of a YouTube streaming carrer, it is immediately canceled by my hate of big tech. NGL I wish I could code for that FUTO money so I can do what I love. It makes me sad seeing much more successful people (Bill Gates and Steve Jobs for example) who I would in part take inspiration from as a kid turn out to have been exposed as absolute douchebags...
Also it seems sometimes as if everyone hates me. I mean even noelle, as sweet as she can be, is also sometimes VERY bitter. And I can understand very much so the fact that she's a freak. Don't get me wrong, I seen my share of freaks. *cough cough* CuteSabrinaUwU *cough cough* But still. It's just sad how I see everyone passing by me in success and taking it for granted, while I am here living with my parents. I honestly need a femboy to provide for me. Without that I can not move out, especially with a femboy.
Also, let's not mention the fact that TRUMP PLANS ON BANNING PORN IN THE USA. SO THERE GOES MY FAVORITE ADDICTION AS WELL AS LIKE HALF OF NOELLE'S USERBASE. NOELLE WE SHOULD BOTH BE AFRAID, IT SHOULDNT JUST BE ME.
OH AND BTW I CAN NOT STOP BREAKING THEN REINSTALLING THE OS I HAVE OR JUST INSTALLING A DIFFERENT OS. IT'S A PROBLEM I HAVE. STUPIDITY OR ABSOLUTE AUTISM? I THINK A LITTLE BIT OF BOTH.
These are just a few reasons why I FUCKING SUCK AND DESERVE TO DIE. LIKE GOD COME ON AND KILL ME IN MY SLEEP :'(